I'd rather..

Complicated. Very complicated. Today has been a complex day for me at work. So many things to do, one whole heap of filing needed to be done as well as policies. Holy! And on top of that, I'm feeling quite moody. Sigh.

To my Sayang,
Somehow, I'm afraid. Very afraid to be exact, to know of your decision on this coming Friday. But I know that we got to face it no matter how. If there's a choice, I really hope for a patch instead. However, if your decision is a negative one, I'd rather we remain things the way they are right now, with us still being able to contact each other, with me still able to meet up with you, loving you and caring for you. Sayang, please give me as well as the both of us another chance. I love you, alot. I really do.

-xiaoyun

Sighs.. I don't know what am I doing. Destructed. Very confused. Lost in a maze. Just can't seem to get the feelings and priorities right. Drifted too far apart. Why must it be a rainy and stormy day each time after a sunny one?

Just want to cry it out loud. I just wanted him to care more. I don't know what am I now. Hopelessly in love or clinging onto something that wasn't meant to be mine from the start?

To you,
Can you tell me what am I to you now? What's going on between us? I really don't want to feel this depressed but I can't control my emotions. It hurts alot to know that you're online and not wanting to reply a simple message to me. Darling, is that just a salutation or is it from the bottom of your heart? Bring me out of this maze please. Show me the light to your heart. Sigh, please, save me.

-xiaoyun

happiness

Hehe. I'm so so so happy tonight!! Met up with my dearest him. Haha. Thou only for a short while, but hey, it's QUALITY time spent! Was quite surprised that he got me something. Very cute, love it to bits. Am gonna bring it with me everyday! Yes, every single day. My baobei. Haha.

I love his hugs. =p Okok, I know am sounding like a mad little girl in love. But, I really felt love once again from him! And we held hands! Yay! What a victorious night. Went for a short spin in his car. Love the way he looks at me. Haha. So innocently cute with a little smile on his face. =)

Algy,
Thanks for everything tonight. I love you more than words can say. Very touched when you offered to send me home but I can't bear to see you tire yourself out. Miss you lots!

-xiaoyun

PAYDAY!!

YES! It's payday! Haha. Damn shoik can?! You guys should see the surprised and satisfied look on my face that day when I first gotten my prorated pay! It's almost $200 more than what I'd expected it to be lah! Meaning, it's shopping time!! No, not really yet. There are some things I need to do, thou it's not a promise nor is it an obligation, but i just want that person to feel happiness. Haha.

Anyway, went out to eat with my mummy last night. Soup restaurant, amounting to a blardy $50.40 lah, the things there are so-so only lor. Bought bird's nest to reward myself. Cause I'm feeling very lethargic from the work. Hai.. But gotta persevere lah, no work means no income, no income means I cant buy nice things for my that person. Haha.

To my that person,
Am really really happy that fateful evening when u called me, but so sorry that I hung up your call as I really did not know it was you calling me, and I was in that crowded MRT. :( Sorry!! Another happy moment was when you addressed me as "darling". It's been ages you addressed me that ever since we broke up. I miss the way you call me as your darling, your silly girl. I miss everything about us. I hope by your addressing me as "darling" meant something in your heart and not just a salutation. But, does it really meant something? Is there hope? I wish there is, even thou it's just a glimmer of it... I don't care if my best friends say I'm being stupid or what, for I only know, in my heart, there's only one place, and that place is for your staying. It's fully occupied with you and only you, there's no one that will be or shall be able to replace you in my heart. Darling, I love you.
-xiaoyun

It's Friday tomorrow!!

Ahh!! I've worked for 4 days already!! Can't really believe it. Time seems to pass very fast during worktime. Somehow, I can't really finish the work assigned to me on the day itself, thou they kept saying I don't have to complete it on the day itself. But to me, I wanna complete la! Quickly get it over and done with. Haha. It's Friday tomorrow!! Ahh. I'm just practically counting down to pay day. Opps. I've got quite a number of things to buy, personal use and for office, which my colleagues classified them as "ding ding dong dong". Haha. Funny colleagues I've. Without their jokes and guidance, I doubt I can survive those 4 days. Hehe.

Anyway, the food there helped me alot with my dieting plan. All also not nice de!! Either too spicy (Malay stalls) or too blend (Chinese foodcourt) and the drinks are SUPER SWEET! Argh!! Not a proper meal taken since the start of my working days, it's no wonder I lost 3 kgs in just 4 days. LOL!

Saw one of my contact's nickname in MSN. He's been told by someone a sentence which he found it very true. I agree to him. "Behind every successful man, there's ONLY ONE woman. Behind every unsuccessful man, there's two or more.." This also implies to woman too. Haha.

To my Gentleman,
I miss you more and more as days goes by. Each night, I think of you before I could get to sleep. In my dreams, I see you. Do I in yours too?
Love you lots.

-xiaoyun

Working life

Seriously, working life is quite tough (office job), there's so much things to follow, everything is so standardized, there's not even a need to practice flexibility. 9am on the dot have to be in office, 12.30pm on the dot all vacate for lunch and latest by 5.45pm all run away from office. HAHA. Practically, everything is very very systematic, to a point that I got afraid of it.

Today is the second day of work. Yesterday was just orientation. Am still not that sure of my colleagues name. Hehe. Today, orientation in the morning, then got something to do as trial. Felt quite shitty because I'm supposed to knock off at 5.30pm and the blardy work came to me at only 5.20pm!! Ya, it's totally like.. "What the hell lah?!" But I cannot complain much. Haha. So OverTimed till 6.30pm, instead of taking the long journey with bus service 963 (2 hours duration!), I took the MRT home (1.5 hours duration. shortened by 0.5 hours!). Anyway, overall, kinda like the workplace (with reference to the close colleagues, especially PeiShan!).

Hai, seriously I miss him alot. Life has been so boring without him. Am also unsure of the current status of us. Sigh. Not together but still got contact, and contacting each other in a way we used to contact when we're together. I really wish for a patch. But somehow I think it's impossible. He doesn't love me anymore, doesn't care about me anymore, I suppose. Maybe it's really all my fault. To spoil him, is entirely my fault. It's also definitely my fault that I'm not chio and not having the figure he wants. Double sighs!! Why can't I be like those girls that he like (in terms of figure and looks) ???!!

I'm so pissed at myself. My new year resolution is to slim down, beautify myself totally, hoping that he will come back to me one day.
****************************
Algy,
I really love you lots. Can't do without you in my life. I know having me in your life or not doesn't really matter to you anymore now. I just hope, that one day, my presence will be felt and cherished by you.

Love,
xiaoyun.